Wednesday, August 5, 2009


Okay so...thinking back to things you did that were absolutely IGNORANT for some sex? Lol...well I've got a story that is probably more zany than any you've heard!

So...there was this old flame I had named Alicia. We tried to have sex once in high school but it didn't happen (very funny story i will write after this one) So anyway Alicia was a very attractive Caucasian chick. (that means white for those who are a little unsure!

She had short blonde hair that stopped short @ about midway of her neck. *not quite shoulder length but not Halle Berry style either kind of like Elvira in "Scarface." Actually more like Mia Farrow In "Rosemary's Baby" Her legs were long *she was about 5' 10"* & she was model thin.

She had deep blue sparkling eyes and a very cute smile that gave her face a lot of youth. I was about 17 & she was about 16 years old so we were both quite "new" at the whole sex thing. Of course neither one of us were virgins anymore (she'd lost her virginity to a Caucasian dude after I was too big to fit *story for later*) but neither one of us were pros so u

I can't remember HOW on EARTH i ran into her again. Maybe it was working somewhere while i was in school...that's what seems to be familiar...

ANYWAY, I got her number again & she came over quite a few times before we stopped seeing each other for awhile. When she resurfaced, it was with a phone call around midnight. She'd told me that she was going to come & pick me up so we could go back to her parent's house who were out of town...we all knew what this meant. *ting*

I got dressed in my flyest nautica competition suit. Yellow with blue stripes & blue nikes to match. I hopped in her car & we were off to her parent's house. On the way I'm thinking about all the things i'm going to do to her that I hadn't yet done on her previous visits when she says, "Okay you gotta hop in the trunk." ....?!! My face is like "!!!" I looked @ her with NO hesitation & said, "What?!, FOR WHAT?!" She looked @ me with urgency & fear saying, "Because my neighbors are nosey & they will tell on me."

Okay my mind is like this:

1. It's 1 a.m. WHO the FUCK can SEE us out here?
2. What if she's setting me up for something like a racist ass whoopin or some shit to initiate her possible redneck boyfriend?! *LMAO sorry...i mean i was 17! gimmie a break!*
3. Why the FUCK dis bitch ain't say dis shit WHEN SHE CALLED ME?

I looked at Alicia and said, "Why didn't you tell me this before?" She looked @ me with the dumbest expression & said, "I didn't think it would be an issue, you're skinny enough to fit in there." "Yeah but my ass DON'T BELONG in there!" I said upset.

"Come on baby! We can't let them catch us if so I will be homeless." She said with sad girl eyes. Of course my mind was working again:

1. Good pussy
2. She's a screamer
3. I'm already DRESSED
4. My dick is already hard
5. FUCK it...

SO...I got my ass out the car and into the trunk. It was about 50 degrees or less outside so I put my matching jacket on. When she let me out it was about 3-5 minutes later inside the safety of her parent's garage.

When I stepped out & into the light shining from the door opener, I'd noticed that a nasty black spot was on my brand new Yellow Nautica outfit. "$300 down the fucking drain." I thought. "FUCK!" I said out loud! "What happened?" she said. I told her & she answered, "Oh it will come out." before opening the door to the inside of the house. *by the way?...that shit NEVER came the fuck out!*

I was trailing behind because I couldn't get the stain to brighten up so when i got in the kitchen I walked into an argument between Alicia & her blackmailing 11 yr old sister who was there just to throw salt into everything.

Her parents owned a lovely home in an exclusive neighborhood just like the one I lived in but it was closer to the countryside. Five bedrooms 3 and 1/2 baths, lovely home indeed. I would guess about $380,000 to $450,000. I've been dealing with real estate for a while thanks to my father who was an agent for about 17 or 18 years.

"I'm telling Alicia! You know you not supposed to be datin' black guys!" The sister said with her arms folded. Alicia looked like she was the cat with the canary & said, "Why not?...YOU DATE black guys!" Her little sister quickly denied it, "NO I DON'T!" Alicia got in her face, "Yes you do cuz you and such & such were on the phone the other day!"

Keep in mind, I'm standing in the room looking more & more like an asshole because they are both in there arguing about me like i'm not even in the house! Luckily that last comment shut the sister up. She got pissed off and quickly walked to her room slamming the bedroom door behind her. *I almost laughed*

"Come on." Alicia said grabbing my hand and pulling me toward her room. "Whew that was fucking close!" I thought. There is something SO INTRIGUING about a GIRL'S ROOM!! I don't know WHAT it is, but it just FEEL SO...SO WOW! I mean truth be told? I get a fucking HARD ON just from being IN a girl's room when it's about to go down you know?

The way it smells all sweet & pretty & shit, sometimes it's like a perfume smell, sometimes it's like a floral smell, sometimes it's like baby oil and/or lotion smell...awe man...i'm getting a hard on just THINKING ABOUT THIS SHIT!! DAMN! *shout out to all the ladies out there with clean FEMININE rooms! OOOOH! *WHOOO!! RICK FLAIR!*

So we get in the room, get into foreplay going at it for like 25 minutes. I kissed her passionately while playing with her left nipple making her moan so sensuously it almost made me skeet my Fruit of The Looms!® *side note, remember when you were little & thought they were called "Fruit of Balloons?!" LMAO!

So i slowly moved down to her pretty pink pussy (*LADIES u know how we guys do...eeeeeease slooowwwwwly to the puss! lmao!*) and started flicking her clit. When i touched it she was already SOAKING wet of course, so I only played with it for about 2-3 minutes.

I leaned down in between her beautiful long pale legs (*she would never tan lol always burned but they weren't GHOSTLY pale, just pale like Mia Farrow from the movie Rosemary's Baby when they FIRST moved into the apartment*) and began to lick her perfectly placed little clit.

She was She had the absolutely sexiest little voice anyway, but DURING sex? Oh wow...& don't get it twisted The Champ has skillZ on the Oral & Penetration Circuit so she had no choice but to squeal. *yeah don't hate lol* So after I made sure she came two times *yes she came i SAW the pussy juice come out both times & u know y'alls pussies do that little squeeze/release thing when you cum hard so...y'all cain't *yes CAIN'T* fool me! Lmao!

After my snack, She sat up, took her shirt off, then her bra and threw them both on the floor i put the condom on while she lay there looking @ me patiently & smiling so sweetly. I climbed up on top of her, got it about 1/4th of the way in & she said, "Wait! Stop!..." I stopped with caution. "What's wrong??" I said frowning. "I can't do this?" She answered. "What?...Can't do what? We've been doing this off & on for a while Alicia what's wrong? What did I do?" I answered while moving over on her right side & lying next to her.

"I love Chris." She answered. "Chris?! Chris?!? Who the FUCK is Chris?!" I fumed at her. "He's...he's my boyfriend." She said looking away. So you know what I'm thinking now right?

1. Why the fuck did this bitch call me "late night" BEGGING me to come back with her...
2. Come over to my parents house & pick me up...
3. Ask me to get into the mothaFUCKING TRUNK of her CAR...messing up my $300 track suit...
4. Have that argument with her sister RISKING getting thrown the fuck out the house...
5. Get all the way to THIS POINT...And NOT SAY ANYTHING?!...

"Why the FUCK you ain't say this shit before now Alicia? You dragged me all the way up here fucking up my favorite & EXPENSIVE I might add...track suit! You get me all the way up here I lick yo pussy you cum HARD twice & now you give me this 'I got a boyfriend' SHIT??! What the fuck is wrong with you!?" I was screaming.

She was crying by now. "I don't know...I thought...I guess I thought we could keep having sex like always but I realize that I'm in love with him & I can't have sex with anyone else." She said through tears. By this time I'm so pissed I didn't give a fuck.

"What the FUCK you cryin for Alicia?" I asked violently putting my clothes back on. She sobbed harder. I was pissed. "Take me the fuck home." I said. "No! No! Please just stay the night with me?" She begged. She was on her knees on the edge of her bed reaching up and grabbing my arm with tears in her eyes. I was pissed but I still felt sorry for her for some fucking WEAK ass reason. I don't know...maybe because we had fucked so many times before & we were really close. I was still fucking pissed though.

"Alicia take me the FUCK home now." i insisted. "Please ___. Please stay?" She begged. And, like a fuckin pussy I gave in & stayed. I fell asleep with an attitude and a fuckin hard on. *I already know what you gone say! AND YES I ASKED & THE BITCH WOULDN'T EVEN GIVE ME SO MUCH AS A FUCKIN HAND JOB* I wanted to choke her stankin' ass OUT!

When I woke up I had to pee. She was sound asleep so I found my way out of the candlelit room & into the hallway on the way to the bathroom. When i turned the corner, a GREAT DANE was standing on ALL FOURS and staring straight at me.

He was fucking huge! Looked just LIKE SCOOBY DOO! Only difference was he was a pretty fawn (tan) color with a white chest. I stood there for a minute not making any sudden moves. I'm 6 feet tall so he was about as tall as my chest. I slowly walked closer & put my fist out. *if you know anything about dogs you know that you can't put your fingers out at a dog, that shows a threat. You have to put your fist out*

I put my fist out to the tame Great Dane, he sniffed it and let me pass. "Fuck! Why didn't these bitches TELL me they had a fucking PONY FOR A DOG?!" I thought. *Yeah it's funny now but you try waking up in the middle of the night in a strange house half asleep & finding a GREAT DANE staring straight @ you! Bet YO ass gone freak out & NOT handle it as calmly as EYE did.*

I went back to bed & let the stingy pussied-bitch drive me back home early right before sunrise. I was STILL pissed...


The Sandman


Esselle Blaize said...

Something is going on in that head of yours, pa!! LMAO! Still getting my blog together...come see me when its done...I'm gonna get back to checkin out the blog more! Tweet you later!

TheMuse said...

It's not normal to laugh this much...but you are a fucking MESS! The trunk and the dog did it for me! LMAO!!